MUUUUUUMMMMM!!!!!!!!

You know for years and years i was absolutely certain beyond a dought that my name was Rachel. Everyone called me by it, greeted me with a "hi Rachel", and even yelled it.
Well it seems all these years I was completely wrong! You see it occured to me today that my name is nothing even remotely like "Rachel" My apparent name is yelled at me at least 2 dozen times a day, wined at me frequently and even muttered under ones breath mixed within the words of " poo poo dummy head".
Of a morning I creep out of a baby like slumber ( I am woken frequently through the night,hence baby like slumber)....flick the kettle switch and a muffled sleepy groan of "muumm" comes from within a blanket. Me "yes Zanda?" " mum can I have breakfast yet?". 2 seconds later Jaz " Muuummmmyyyyyyy". After a few more mentions of my "name"..3 of my E.T's are at the table with breakfast...."muuuuuumm!!!!..Zanda wont stop looking at me!!!!" "Muuuumm...i want more sugar"....... "muuuumm, I dropped my spoon"..."muuuummm...are we going to kindy today?" ( I wish) Note" its only 6:30am by now.....Later. "muuuummmm !!! Reece is calling me a boooyyyyy".. "are you a boy Bianca?" B," no!" .. "well dont worry about it"..." muuuummmm, Bianca said that I cry like a baby girl! " ..."well dont call her a boy!"..geez...
wheres my coffee!!!!
I decide to retreat to the back veranda....oh it seems everyone knows my name! My lovely cockatoo lets out a very well rehearsed "muuuuumm"...Hmmm, interesting..
Ive estimated my "name" is called or spoken atleast 300 times a day!...I mean really you'd think they would get sick of saying it, but no we just alter the tones and dragged outideness ( i know..not a word) of it so It tends to have lots of different , umm, meanings.
Theres the "where are you mum's", as you try to go for one of those simple things in a life " a pee"... The scream out to dob mum's"...The "Im just yelling out to make sure you havnt left to go to the moon mum's"..."Mum im hungry".. "mum! when are we going?" "mum my brother or sister have hurt me" " mum im going to ask you why the sky is blue, how the sun hangs in the sky ...and how ",mum,'s" are the only beings that can become "mum's".... Mum im hungry, mum im bored, mum what are you doing?, mum wheres my shirt, Mum what day is it...mum, mum, mum, mum,mum,muuuuuuuuuuummmmmm!!!!.....
Ok I get It I know my name!!!!!..... Tounge in cheek after numorous "muuummms" by 9 am i stated I was going to change my name to ooofenhousan oberachickerive....." why mum?...how would we ever be able to say that?"......hmmmm E.T's dont seem to totally grasp sarcasm!
All that being said, many a day goes by where I really am emotionally tired and over hearing that name....that I share with many other "Mum's"......But I guess in a nutshell I wouldnt have it any other way. when I think hard enough, Im loved enough to be needed. And there are the "I love you mums"....and the cute drawings with "mum" scrawled in huge over and undersized print. A nd when you think about it, it is a job title. " MUM"< Must posess an extreme tollerence level of being called by title repeatably, must be willing to wipe snot, clean up poo, peg nose while vommit clean up performed, be tolerent of 21 questions of 21 seemingly meaningless things 21 times a flippin day..referee, chauferr, wipe tears , administer first aid, brush teeth, laugh at farts,burps and boyish ways, swing on swings, and sleep..well thats non exsistent....The Job with the most called for qualifications.....So I guess I will wear my title with pride..I am Mum Dioth...Mummy extroadinare.... Even if it is with no pay. :)

zanda man the king of "sickaflex"

So... there is some benefit to having a husband who builds swimming pools and fencing. He can fix things around the house alot easier as he already has the products, he understands plumbing and fixtures, and has the nessasary equipment to fix them...for example..leaky tap joiner, no problem,....need new shiny clean creases in your shower, no problem, need something stuck..hubby" no problem, ill sickaflex it!!"....you dont understand how much i HATE that phrase, sickaflex this, sickaflex that......ok, now to Zanda, he loves to watch his daddy "sickaflex' things, he even tells me," just get dads sickaflex"...ummm no it wont fix my now snapped hair clip zanda..sorry...

well one morning i decided it was time to clean the bathroom..and i mean really clean, walls skirtings the lot!..hey maybee i could extend the wall cleaning to beyond the bathroom to the hallway, where i have a loveley montage of handprints from my children climbing the walls to see if they can touch the roof...yes they can!...Anyway, so im in my own little world,cleaning down the vanity when my hand slowly starts to wipe down the wall against the crease,..it kind of bubbles...hmm, strange..rinse cloth, try again..bubbles and a lovely fresh minty smell....on closer inspection (minus my glasses), there is a perfect straight line of TOOTHPASTE streaked into the crease of the wall, my eyes avert to a higher altitude (about 2 and a half foot from the floor), it continues, look sideways to the floor, it continues...I follow this perfect line, it extends in every crease of the bathroom, minus the floor tiles thankgod, out the door, along the hallway.....now there is absolutely no breaks in this line, it was perfect...A+ for acuracy...continue...along the hallway around the corner to Alexzanda's room...It appears the door needed to be stuck aswell...then we open the door and this perfect straight "sickaflex style" line starts to break up and dissipate....we now have blobs on the wall. And finger smears....up the wall as high as a four year old can reach, until a lopsided thomas picture,that smells absolutely divinely minty.....because HE STUCK IT TO THE WALL WITH TOOTHPASTE!..........ALEXZANDAAAAAAAA!!!!! Zanda "what?"..me "why did you put toothpaste everywhere?" Zanda " I didnt!"..me "yes you did"..."no!...I fixed the wall cause it had holes in it"..me "with toothpaste?!!!!"...Zanda " ummm, i wanted to see how much was in the tube and there was even enough to stick my picture up!!", " but now we dont have any toothpaste for our teeth and thats why i told you to buy some at Iga"..hmm, of course..."zanda , toothpaste is not for the walls!"..."well dad uses toothpaste, his justs smells funny and he calls it stickalex".........hahahahaha....what more is there to say.

vomit!

vomit.....its everywhere i look.....it doesnt necasarilly matter in what form it comes in..ive just concluded that my life seems to revolve around it.....wether it be the fact i have a volleyball team of children or the obvious that my house is starting to resemble a mini zoo or animal sanctuary...the point is there is vomit everywhere and i cant seem to ever escape it...lets have a look at my vomit ridden house....
i decided to be extra nice to my dogs the other day and bought them some prime mince from the butcher as a treat...a treat for who?...me obviously as my maltese decided that it was so delightfull a gift he scoffed it down faster than a sugar aholic in a candy store...he then proceeded to my room to "retreat" and throw it all back up again...which i found when i stood beside my bed barefoot in the dark...
my cat ...loveley boy he is...is a mouse catching machine...he eats it too!!....well nearly all of it..usually he seems to choke on the head and throw it back up on the kitchen floor....nice!
even my birds vommit..well its actually they regurgitate thier food and lovingly feed each other...THIER VOMMIT!!!!
stomach bugs..DONT ASK...oh my god...when a stomach bug enters my house its like the bubonic plague..it runs rife through my house..but has a very caring way of going about it...we like to share here...even when it involves your gorgous 3 year old coming to you and says "i feel...BLERGH"..yep shared lovingly all over me....then we may have a days break and the next person gets it...that person never seems to make it in time to the toilet, but "shares" with my hallway floor....so by about 2 weeks of vommit mania, when all are well and chirpy and full of jumping beans and hyperactivity...i get it!....well atleast i can make my vommit go in the toilet bowl.
ive also discovered , that within arguments you can find vommit...it shows in the form of distastefull, crude, toilet worthy comments and words that seem to flow out of ones mouth like a steady stream of uncontrollable vommit.Your loving husband...and ones self is usually the culprit of this form of vommit.
And then there is the house....always a chaotic mess...and allways performed by that very popular person " no one"...you know the one...where you complain about the chips crunched into the cracks of the lounge cushion, nutela mulched into the floor rug, tiny bits of paper cut up with scissors, and the cry goes out " it wasnt me!!!!"...who squeezed the toothpaste up the hall?.."not me!"...who tipped the coco pops on the floor?..."not me"....who peed on the toilet seat? "not me"
who got into my makeup and painted the vanity with it ?..."not me".....WELL IT SURE AS HELL WASNT ME!!!
so...I have come to the only logical conclusion...the only possible way that my house can be perfect at 10 am and look like the worst cyclone to hit earth tore through by 1pm........MY HOUSE HAS A STOMACH BUG......and a really bad one....it continues to throw up on its self daily...randomly at any given time for no apparent reason.....POOR THING!
well....."IT WASNT ME!"