There is allot of reading stuff out there about the ways to raise children, disipline children, toilet train .... hey if your lucky there is the interfereing know it all that will tell you what you should or shouldn't be doing...I know you've all encountered one....usually that particular creature forms itself into a mother in law.
Anyway thats another subject,best i avoid that one,,,,so, after my kids have done things over the last couple of days....hmmm...years, i thought geez, they didnt say this in the manual, as if there was one.... well if there was a manual, i think it should have a chapter dedicated to the unexpected.
chapter 4576:
( because seriously,, would there ever be a book big enough to be a manual for parenting )
never and allways of children!
NEVER assume that when they say they have given the fish a bath, that they are just talking out of context...( goldfish in the bathtub being washed with a cloth and soap )
NEVER think a 2 year old should be allowed near a baby with a texta, unless you seriously do believe in artistic expression through body art.
NEVER assume that when your son says "look im superman" that he is just pretending.... he really does think he can fly off the veranda
ALWAYS go into nappy changing when diarrhea is around,, with all the body armour and face masks of an FBI bomb squad.
ALLWAYS believe a small child that says he is eating with the cat.. He really is having a one for me one for you feast with whiskas vita bites.
NEVER believe that female sanitary items are safe from little ones who believe that the new earing trend is well....you get the drift... oh and they will allways show this new age fashion to guests.
ALLWAYS run very fast when your son says he killed a spider with a hammer....you need to get to the phone to ring the window repair man
NEVER think you need wipes around when hubby is caring for children that need a nappie change...a hose will suffice.
NEVER believe that toothpaste shouldnt be locked away... unless you are prepared to be just as excited about how long it can go up the hallway.
NEVER believe that an ice cream container and good ol wishfull thinking, will keep vomit contained.It wont, the container will stay perfectly empty and clean..
NEVER believe that your bedroom will stay a sweet sexy little love nest.... build a secret room.
ALWAYS have on hand a can of monster spray. ... trust me! its easier to spray them away than have a argument on whats real and not at 2 am in the morning and risk waking everyone.
NEVER buy a digital clock , so you can know what time it is at night... unless you really want to know how many times you are up...you dont want to know!!
ALWAYS believe in superheroes of all kinds, because kids do and will try to immitate everyone.
NEVER think that pretty little bottle of bath oil you bought yourself will stay nicely decorating your bathroom.....WAKE UP they think its pretty too..but not in the bottle
ALWAYS assume shaving cream has more uses than removing hair fuzz... otherwise your children will show you.... another lock up item
NEVER assume your couch will stay beautfull.... its just a giant hand wipe.
NEVER believe this " no, i dont have any homework this week"
NEVER think a child will play pretend hairdresser......and on that point
ALWAYS assume up untill the age of 10 scissors are usefull to make the above game more life like.
I really have a lot.... but ill end now
NEVER EVER belive a child that answers with " NOTHING MUM" when you yell out " what are you doing "
ALWAYS at all costs run to that voice like you are a kamakazee pilot in the best action film you have ever seen ...
